the Tommy|Zor era

With my university life coming to an end (and the sad reality that I’ll no longer be a student and actually need to function in society) I’d like to take the time to reflect back on my undergraduate years…

In choosing a university, the intention is to look into one that will have the best program for me and the overarching campus lifestyle. In reality, the decision came down to whoever would accept me and how far from home I could feasibly go. I hear the argument all the time: stay at home and save money or move away and have all the “independence and freedom” you would ever want. I am here to tell you both arguments are a load of bullshit. Your success rate still depends on how little of an idiot you are and whether you actually have work habits. Plus, if you’re a slob at home, you’ll most likely be a slob in your own place.

Zor tip: Women really love walking into a place that looks like an elephant shit itself to death. It allows their creative juices to flow in coming up with excuses why they have to get the hell out of there.

Just… disgusting

Back on track – here I am, moving into my own single bedroom apartment in a city where I don’t know anybody. But hey, I’m away from home right? Now it’s time to go meet some artificial friends and pretend like we both care about each others interests; when in reality, we’re both just trying to alleviate boredom. Luckily, my apartment was downtown only a few blocks away from all the bars. I easily, and frequently, stumbled home many a nights that first year. I also made a lot of single serving friends. Take from that sentence what you will.

Nights stumbling home were sometimes interrupted by FLOODS

The first order of business was to skip my orientation and check out the magic shop in the city. It was here I met two other magicians that I would spend the next four years performing with. They were also a fountain of useful information and life wisdom. Such tidbits as “It’s cheaper to get a hotel room than a change of address,” and “Building up courage to talk to women is simple – just find your testicles.” My professional career also began during this year as I started doing smaller shows with my magic. Thus far, the city was good to me.

Yes, that jacket is legit. The hospital let me keep it when I left.

As for the school, it was pretty simple. I have watched many… MANY… people fail their first year because they forget simple principles of post-secondary education. Here was the secret to my success: show up to class, try to do the assigned readings (they don’t all get done, even professors know that) and finish the assignments. Get extensions if necessary. I suppose I had a few years after high school to come to a realization that effort would need to be made to be successful. Oh yeah - that small detail of having to PAY for this education was also a motivational factor. Why you would ever pay a ton of money and NOT make any effort is beyond me.

I blame all my bad marks in school on that Toshiba Laptop. Toshiba = evil

Year 1 came and went. In retrospect, it was pretty uneventful. Everything started on a high note and stayed pretty consistent. I now had a budding magic career and the cleanest apartment one step down from Patrick Bateman. Next to come: Year 2… the start of a reputation that will eventually escalate beyond my control.