the Tommy|Zor era

It’s 10pm on the weekend. You’ve showered, put on your clubbing clothes and are getting ready to go out to the bars. You’re excited, right? Whether your answer is yes or no, it’s time to run through the reasons why you should be excited.

As a person who has spent more time in college and university than he wishes to admit, I have spent a great deal of time at various bar scenes. After I got over the excitement of:

a) getting into bars
b) getting into bars without waiting in line or paying cover and
c) picking up at bars,

most of my time spent at the bars was meeting up with friends for a few drinks and conversing. I also began observing the masses and compiled a list of reasons why people spend so much time at bars.

First, lets strip a bar and club down to its bare essentials. What is it? A licensed establishment that profits from serving alcohol. If it’s not serving drinks, it’s not making money. Period. Now add some bells and whistles – VIP lines, dance floors, themed nights, cover charge, dress code and promotional nights from different businesses. The bells and whistles are essentially what characterize one bar over another… and I suppose cleanliness and location.

So why are you there?

Atmosphere. The bar is a social atmosphere. A place to hang out and socialize with your friends, your friends’ friends, other groups of friends, or just people in general. Regardless of any other reason you were thinking of being at a bar, if there are no people there, you won’t want to be there. Even if you drop in and sit at the bar to down a few pints before heading on your merry way, you’re still there because it’s somewhere other than your home.

Meeting others. Here’s your opportunity to get a number, give a number, give a fake number, hook up with someone or make new friends.
ZOR TIP: If you’re in a jam for giving a fake number, may I suggest The Rejection Hotline – some people just deserve it.

Drink. This is a place where it is acceptable to drink your face off. Hell, it’s even encouraged. There will be no judgment laid against you for the number of drinks you’ve had – unless of course you vomit. At which point, some will cheer you on, others will laugh and the bouncers will kick your ass out of there.

Dance. Dane Cook said it best:

Be whoever you want to be. The bar is a social watering hole, a collection of many random people. Aside from your friends, nobody knows you there. You can act however you want and nobody will be the wiser. With the amount of people that pass through a bar in a night, there’s a high chance you won’t be remembered the next morning (98.6% chance to be exact). It’s a chance to try out any personality type you’ve always wanted. The most that will happen is you’ll be lumped into a category of “oh, you’re that kind of person”.

Social Validation. To be honest though, after enough drinks… everybody thinks their social status is through the roof.

You were dragged by your friends. At this point, you’re going to have a miserable night no matter what happens. Here’s my solution: fake having a good time or don’t go. Nothing is better than having a friend at the bar who looks like his cat just got nuked in the microwave.

There you go – the truth about bars and why they exist.

Personally, I’d rather sit in a pub with a live band and enjoy the company of my friends.

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