the Tommy|Zor era

At the expense of me having to write every detail about what happened, v2 and I planned ahead. We made sure to take plenty of pictures and video footage. As for those of you who actually read our articles and pour over every word, make sure to read this one carefully. There are a lot of subtleties about what went on down there [v2 got hepatitis from a squirrel] and you really have to read in between the lines to pick up on it. I have faith in you though… I really do.

Our journey began with us taking a shuttle from Canada to the Detroit airport. The second we crossed the border, the scenery went straight to hell. We realized at that point that we hadn’t packed our Kevlar vests. There were two highlights: v2 getting in trouble at the border and the Detroit airport. What did he get in trouble for? You’ll NEVER [left his wallet in the shuttle van] know. Here’s video from the airport:

After arguing for 4 hours on the plane about whether Betty or Veronica is the best choice for Archie [a real man would take Vernoica, but Archie is a fucking wuss and should stick with Betty], we finally landed in Los Angeles. The first thing we notice is the friggin’ smog. Damn, was it ever hard to breathe. At the very least, they gave us the worst rental car in history.

If this is an economy car, I want out of this economy

On the plus side, you could buy beer at 7-11. Un-fucking-believable! Not only was it within walking distance of the place we were staying at, the beer was dirt cheap compared to what we get in Canada. Something tells me however, we may have gone overboard…

That’s right – you may have your morning coffee/tea/orange juice with vitamin b supplements, but we rock it out alcoholic style. First day in the valley, can’t breathe, smog is hurting my eyes, but the weather is nice and there’s promise of good things ahead.

We went to the O.C.

Want more proof? Here’s Balboa Island

Are you actually reading this text? Impressive! Here’s a joke:
If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have?
2 feet of my cock in your ass. [Joke is NSFW]

The day ended over more cases of beer. I can’t exactly remember what we got, but I do remember asking myself why Americans use drugs. Just inhale the air in large quantities. The next day was our big trip to the Magic Castle. You can read all about that by clicking here (shame on you if you haven’t read it yet).

We really enjoyed that southern California dining experience

Well, it was finally time to enter the tourist trap that is Hollywood. I only got one word for that place: overrated. Didn’t stop us from snapping pictures of our favourite stars:

Yeah we said it

Our trip to Hollywood lasted for a grand total of an hour. That was only because we walked as far away from that place to see if there was anything interesting nearby – there was not.

Biggest disappointment: not having them run out and try converting us

Not to worry though, Tommy v2 and Zor did you proud. We got randomly invited to someone’s upscale house for a barbecue, beers and to swim in their upscale pool. How did we pull this off? v2 flexed his right bicep: true story.

On a scale of 1 – Awesome, we fucking rule.

Here’s a random shot of me in the morning.

Mood was instantly fixed with more beer

After another trip to Newport Beach in the O.C. and getting sunburnt to all hell, it was time to chug our last case of beer and head back to Canada. It was a shame too; our lungs had finally collapsed and gave up. However, I did get an opportunity to snap the most pathetic video you’ve ever seen

At the airport, aside from stopping at the liquor store and getting more beer before our red eye flight, I was surprised to hear v2’s favourite part of LA

Five minutes after this video was taken, v2 found something even greater that would make this the most memorable trip ever. What is it you ask? Only on tommy|zor will you find video footage of the best toilet flush since my apartment toilet.

Twice

Back in Canada, we can breathe again and the beer is more expensive. In retrospect, I’ll take cheaper beer over cleaner air any day of the week. Now if you’ll excuse me, I got some beers to finish.