the Tommy|Zor era

The odd time, I like to celebrate being me.  Think you know me? Take this handy quiz… you might be surprised…

Let’s begin!

Look at the picture below. What time is it?

a) 8:28
b) 8:29
c) 8:28:59
d) It’s Miller Time

What is v2′s favourite thing to eat at Montana’s Cookhouse?

a) Quarter Chicken dinner
b) The ribs
c) Pulled-pork sandwich
d) Hannah

Tommy v2 loves animals?

a) Exotic pets only
c) Cats only
d) Dogs only
d) Medium-well with some charring at the edges, and grill stripes help

Look at the girls in this picture. How many are hot?

1) Two of them
1) One of them
c) The one on the left
d) None of them are blonde, so fuck them but don’t compliment them

v2 is stuck on a math equation and requires your help. John is travelling at 25km/h to the west. Alice is travelling 30km/h to the east. When will they meet him if they both leave at 2:23pm, Central Time?

a) Never
b) Quarter-past fuck you
c) Depends on if John has already watched Teagan porn today
c) Alice better not be driving, because she’s a woman

Tommy v2 is stuck on an island. He is allowed to bring one thing per week from out of nowhere. What does he bring on week 1?

a) Food, besides the crap that grows on islands
b) Super Nintendo, with a half-finished copy of Mario RPG that he can’t finish, because he finds that narrative “too much Nintendo, not enough SquareSoft”
c) weapons
d) Your sister

Of the beers available, which is the best beer?

a) Miller Lite
b) Sam Adams
c) Old Speckled Hen
d) Moosehead is the best beer

The following is v2′s favourite pizza configuration:

a) Pepperoni, green peppers
b) Bacon bits and pineapple
c) Extra cheese and Werther’s Original pieces
d) Doesn’t matter, since you’re buying, asshole

The Verizon Exit Interview has how many hits so far?

a) 2 million
b) 6 million
c) 14.3 million as of February, 2010
d) Your sister? He’d hit that

v2′s all-time favourite article is:

a) The Verizon Exit Interview
b) Facebook is the end of humanity
c) v2 Does Online Dating
d) It’s c), seriously, he loves that one

What percentage of v2′s girlfriends have been blonde?

a) 80%
b) 100%
c) 3.1459%
d) You don’t look at the mantle when you’re poking the fire

Tommy v2 secretly has a Facebook account under a fake name so he doesn’t look like a hypocritical dumbass:

a) True
b) False
c) Why suggest such a thing?!
d) He uses your sister’s Facebook account to find lesbians and lure them into awkward blind dates

v2′s favourite brand of car is:

a) Mazda
b) Toyota
c) Porsche
d) He laughs at you because you take the city bus

What’s the earliest v2 has gotten drunk?

a) 7:10 am
b) 8:30am
c) 9:00am
d) The exact moment this article was published, but in a different time zone to make it sound really early

When v2 and Zor play Street Fighter Alpha 2, what is v2′s winning percentage in Ken vs. Guy matches?

a) 60%
b) 51.6%
c) 20%
d) Can’t talk, busy BEING A FUCKING WINNER

v2 got his first kiss and handjob on the same day:

a) True
b) False
c) Depends if you count midnight as another day
d) It was at the mall, motherfuckers, right on the bench by The Gap, under an Adidas winter jacket

v2 is absurdly good at cooking:

a) True
b) False
c) Certain dishes
d) He feels the need to make True or False questions a-to-d choices

When v2 says “I’d hit it and quit it,” he means:

a) To leave the scene of an accident
b) To quit from Verizon
c) To be absent without leave
d) Ask your sister, as she’s never seen him again

True, or false?

a) True
b) False
c) Truth has had a change of opinion
d) This calls for a Bud Light

Is v2 destined for great things?

a) Yes
b) Yes, but more so
c) Destiny is a read-only property
d) As soon as he finishes this last beer

.

Well, thanks to my (seven or so, depending if my high school chemistry teacher is reading (PS: You’re a three dollar whore, and you don’t know valance electrons from vanity mirrors)) fans out there. I hope you find this quiz helpful in getting to know me better. One last thing you should know is that THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS FUCKING D, because you can’t give the punchline away and then tell more joke after.

Seriously, she wasn’t that good a chemistry teacher, but she was blonde, smart, fit and scolded me for bleeding on my exam paper, once. (Nose bleed – too much ascorbic acid intake the night before, and I was sneezing often. C₆H₈O_6, bitch, don’t act like I never learned nothing.)