Different eras of humanity’s history is known for their obsession with something. In fact, we even give some of these eras names to reflect those obsessions. Off the top of my head, I can think of the Enlightenment: obsession with science, the Romantic period: obsession with romantic literature and architecture, the Reformation period: obsession with reforming and I’m sure you can probably name a shitload of others.

The point is, every era had something to leave behind. 500 years from now, I worry about what people will think of our current era. You see, amongst all our technological advancements and great space discoveries, we are still amused and obsessed with the oddest of all things: zombies. I enjoy a zombie fest as much as the next person… possibly even as much as Bruce Campbell… but we really need to stop for a second. Seriously, what in the hell is wrong with us? Zombies?

The proof is in the pudding. Let’s explore some examples, shall we?

The Zombie Survival Guide

It’s kind of hard to ignore the fact that Zombies don’t exist when you see the title of this book. I understand Max Brooks is taking a comedic spin on things, but for fucksakes, he actually had to do research to come up with his top ten list for surviving. Why in the hell  someone would do copious amounts of research into a fictional topic is beyond me. Then I think to myself, there are parents out there who teach Klingon as their children’s first language. In summary, his top ten lessons for surviving a zombie attack are as follows:

1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don’t need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

*blinks*

Let’s assume a zombie uprising happened. I can shorten that list into 1 lesson: run like the wind and bomb the shit out of the city. Why am I even entertaining this thought? Time to move on.

World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War

After the success of his first book – he wrote another. Guess what? It’s a best seller. To its credit, however, I’m told it’s actually fantastic. Hey, I used both instances of its in a sentence and used them correctly. Imagine that novelty.

An oral history of the zombie war in book format.

Resident Evil

The entire video game series, followed by movie series, revolves around zombie uprisings. Each game revolves around 1 or 2 special agents who are sent to investigate and end up having to take down an entire zombie horde. I won’t lie to you. The first game scared the shit out of me. There were moments when I literally jumped and that was kickass. It is through the resident evil series that I also learned the most effective way to kill a zombie is to shoot it in the head, up close and personal. After the games, however, it was really difficult to be amused by anything zombie. It really saps the interest for it right out of you and spits on the floor before shitting on it. Bottom line: an entire video game series dedicated to zombies. Yes, I understand there are others. This just happened to be the one that came to mind at the time of writing and I’m tired… fuck me.

Just shoot him in the head and all your troubles will go away. Easy, right?

Night of the Living Dead

This should be the obvious example, as this is where we our influence for modern zombie culture. The word zombie is never used, but this is where we get the idea of zombies as reanimated, flesh eating cannibals.

In all honesty, this scares the shit out of me.

Were I to write a historical account of our obsession with zombies, I would cite George Romero as the source. Thanks, buddy.

Marvel Zombies

Like there could be an article written by me on this site without referencing some sort of graphic novel.

[v2 edit] They’re comics and you’re a fucking nerd. Can you let it go already?

The original concept was inspired by… oh take a wild fucking guess… Mark Millar. You know, even he was stretching it with this one. The premise is that almost all superpowered beings on Earth have become flesh-eating zombies after being infected by an alien virus. I’m sure the thought process going into this one was very reflective and thorough:

“Hey, people like superheroes and they like zombies.”

“Fuck me, we should put the two together and make zombie superheroes.”

Marvel makes a gillion dollars. As if that wasn’t enough, they also decided to do “Marvel Zombies vs. The Army of Darkness.”

*slams head against the fucking desk*

Hey Marvel, here’s another idea: zombies and super villains. Now pay ME a gillion dollars.

28 Days Later

Zombies take over the world, people need to survive, blah blah blah, huge success.

Admittedly, I enjoyed it and thought it was great. Many critics did as well. However, after playing Resident Evil, it’s impossible to even be moderately disturbed. This movie proved once again, when inspiration is down, add zombies.

If only Michael Bay directed this one…

Thriller (Music Video)

The album is the world’s all time best seller. The song was a massive hit. Michael Jackson was on top of his game. Then the video came out… a 14 minute music video that cost $500,000 to produce. It’s a mini-horror film where zombies come out of the ground and do a choreographed dance with Michael. The video won many awards and went on to be referenced in countless t.v. shows and movies

*stunned*

Zombies… dancing with Michael Jackson… but shit… it’s got zombies… dancing with Michael Jackson.

What the fuck do you say to that, really?

Really, it’s zombies… dancing with Michael Jackson.

Practical Jokes

I want to pre-empt this section with the following picture:

So a bunch of clever shit disturbers hacked a road sign and this was one of their messages. I am literally at a loss of words over this one. Nazi zombies? We don’t just have zombies anymore, we have nazi zombies. Where in the hell did they get the inspiration from this? Many would argue that it came from the new Call of Duty game where one of the modes is a co-operative Nazi zombie mode. Fuck me, I just don’t know anymore.

And there you have it, our legacy for generations to come. We are a culture obsessed with zombies and that’s the end of it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go sharpen some blades and prepare for the time when the living dead will come to conquer us all.

Hey Zor, what about the vampires?

On second thought, I have a better use for those blades… and my wrists.