the Tommy|Zor era

Every once in a while, I get so bored that I force myself to find entertainment in the most trivial of places. Eventually, it just leads to me being irritated and just bitching about things. Well shit, at least at that point I’m entertained.

[I'm using numbers because WordPress is retarded when it comes to displaying bulleted-lists]

1. Buying a new, efficient car to save gas is akin to selling your car for gas money
2. Think of how much time would be saved if the default lawnmower size was just six inches wider – that’s only three inches a side more
3. New computers have more CPU L2 cache memory than the entire RAM requirement for Windows 95
4. Did you ever think, in a million years, that Posh Spice would end up being the most famous one?
5. World Cup football is pretty stupid – if it’s so amazing, why wait every 4 years? It’s just football – doesn’t take a magic stadium, equipment or venue to get it going
6. Movie reboots are getting out of hand – they’re rebooting Spider-Man and The Ring – both movies made in 2002, both excellent, neither need a re-interpretation
7. I shouldn’t have to shop at an Arabic grocery store to get Coca Cola made with actual sugar
8. “Photocopier” is a terrible name – that’s the thing it does the worst. Perhaps “formcopier” or “bookstealer”
9. Vodka hits much slower than beer. That’s convenient when I need to take 5 shots and still drive to work with 0% blood alcohol

1. Am  I the only one who feels guilty returning products that I just don’t like? It’s like my standards are costing some company money
2. It took me an entire lifetime to decide that “A New Hope” is better than “Empire Strikes Back”
3. There’s only one good Indiana Jones movie
4. Back to the Future II isn’t as good as you think it is
5. At one point in human history, the stupidest person was far more intelligent than the average person today
6. Miracle Whip mostly sucks compared to mayonnaise
7. You know how you know two girls, one way hotter than the other? Over time, you start to change your mind, and you think the other one is hotter? That is called “eventual denial.” I have this over the two girls that work at at the tanning salon. One’s a 9.5, the other’s an 8.0 – one day, they flipped and I blamed it on the UV light
8. You may never agree until your dying days, but Labatt Blue Light is the best-tasting light beer on this planet
9. It’s weird when they just started putting numbers on game consoles. It’s hard to enjoy a Playstation 3 when there’s already a Nintendo 64
10. Killer Instinct  is way, way, waaaay better than Killer Instinct 2, except Orchid’s stage music
11. One day, I spent $18 on text messaging. I thought it was a fucking rip-off until months later I got oral sex from her, and then it sort of paid for itself
12. It’s 2010 and yet no one’s made a fan that blows cold air? C’mon nerds, you made it to the fucking moon (supposedly) and yet I can’t get cool for 15w of electricity or less?
13. Costco is fucking bullshit. They keep changing their stock, so you’re forced to buy shit you know you’re never going to see again, ever

1. At one point, 5 blank CD-Rs cost me $12. At one point, I made $1200 in revenue by selling pirated stuff. Looking at the margins, I have no idea how I did that
2. At some point, my lifelong dream of surfing the Internet while on the toilet became a common thing for lots of people
3. My monitor’s resolution is 2560 x 1600 – at that size, this fucking window is an afterthought on my desktop
4. At what point do we all give up and say Charmin toilet paper is man’s greatest achievement?
5. “Planes are safer than cars.” – Bullshit! Fly a plane 15-30 times a week and see what kind of results you get
6. Blackberrys don’t only come in black – duly noted
7. I still don’t see the point of recreational swimming – the best you can accomplish is to live as you would by not swimming
8. I’ll admit going to Costco for 90 minutes just for the air conditioning
9. Oh, I got air “conditioning” at  home – it just so happens that I choose to have it fucking hot and miserable

1. A girl once told me “If you make a girl cum during sex, she’ll fall in love with you forever.” I find that hard to believe, because I have, like, 8 girls who fucking hate my guts forever
2. How fucked up is it that you’ll sell your house before you finish that one bottle of cologne you have?
3. Breaking Bad is the best show on television, followed by Dexter
4. Your third girlfriend gives the worst head. Think about it.
5. Ever whacked off to gay porn?
6. …I haven’t.
7. You want to experience some intense heat? Next time you’re in a tanning bed, lay face-down. Bet you won’t last 5 minutes.
8. I’d volunteer for amnesia just so I could play Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past and Final Fantasy VI again – for the first time
9. My first ever all-nighter gave me the stomach flu. Then I watched Aeris die. What a shit day.
10. If I could go back in time to unwrap Chrono Trigger from the shrink wrap, I’d do it even slower
11. Door mats should be made out of sticky stuff so they grab those little asphalt stones that I’m so sick of picking off my floor
12. I can re-use any clever Twitter posting I ever made in this article, because no one reads our fucking Twitter. twitter.com/tommyzor

1. The hotter a girl is, the more likely her bedroom is to be messy
2. I still find it hard to believe that Family Matters made it more than one season, let alone NINE
3. After a lifetime of writer’s block, I wrote 4 novels in 12 months
4. Don’t try vacuuming your driveway – people will think you’ve got a mental illness
5. It’s weird how when you’re assembling “the perfect woman”, 70% of the parts come from one girl with some other critical defect
6. American Idol – that’s a silly name. Americans also worship Chef Boyardee and Aunt Jemima
7. Home Improvement is probably the most clever and appropriate name for a sitcom. A million brilliant minds working 24/7 couldn’t come up with a better name, ever
8. I find it baffling how I find Arnold Schwarzenegger in a movie to be weird these days, not that he’s a politician, nor that he pronounces it Cah-lee-for-nee-ah
9. If you had the psychic ability to find out who likes you in a romantic way, everyone would be married at age 12, and remarried about a dozen times in the end
10. Whatever’s in Jolly Ranchers that makes my fucking teeth hurt, it needs to be weaponized for military use
11. I can’t believe it’s 2010 already. All those furniture commercials I watched as a kid “DO NOT PAY UNTIL THE YEAR TWO-THOUSAND!” are starting to freak me out.
12. I should probably stop drinking so late at night and move it back into the mornings where it belongs

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