the Tommy|Zor era

Sometimes guys don’t really understand why certain things about girls and that’s fine; it’s not like men and women do all the same things.  In fact, there’s plenty of things girls do that guys should never do (and vice versa), despite what some male feminist pansy has to say.  Besides the wearing of pantyhose and wearing of eyeliner, even nature says men don’t get to have babies — although that’s also becoming a thing of the past.  As a girl, though, when I also find some female habits illogical, unreasonable, and even bizarre, then there is something seriously wrong:

[Zor] What about putting out?

[Paperdreamer] Yeah but you can put yourself out.  I hope.

Going to the bathroom together

The classic example of a mass behaviour that men have wondered about for ages:  why the herd?  What is so important to discuss that girls can’t even go to the bathroom in peace, without having to talk to the person in the stall next to you?  How can 2-5 people have to pee at exactly the same time?  What warrants bathroom buddies and even… bathroom groups?  Don’t they it’s a fire hazard?  Is this the real reason for the huge line to the girl’s bathroom?  Do they all fucking know each other???

Guys tend to avoid, or at least don’t attempt to, go to the bathroom with their friends.  With girls, guys can’t really tell if they’re going to the bathroom with their friends…or their “friends”.  Guys have to stick to foot tapping and peripheral vision.

[v2] We’re not that gay.

[Paperdreamer] …how gay?

There really isn’t a modern need for the pack mentality in this amazing phenomenon of Girls Groups and Bathrooms.  There are no alligators in the bathroom so strength in numbers will certainly not reduce your chances of being eaten alive, especially while peeing.

It won’t jump out from a toilet…

I would just like to say that I do not usually talk to people in the bathroom.

Wearing Ugly Clothes Because They Are Fashionable

Some things just don’t work, no matter how much you want it to, like V2 and Zor’s attempts to 1up each other by dating each other’s ex-girlfriends.  They’re not making the other person feel inadequate; they did the other person (and the ex) a favour by recycling!

In the same way, some girls feel the need to buy outfits that are unflattering.  This can arise from many factors like ugly colours and awkward patterns but the worst clothes usually result from a fashionable shape or cut that is actually only popular because it is distinctive.  Distinctive as in making people look like they are wearing giant red sack-bags that balloon out when they are going down a flight of stairs.

If this isn’t a cry for help, I don’t know what is…I think this is the right twin.

[v2] Fuck.  We let a girl write for us and suddenly there are pictures of girls on the site with all their clothes on.  Just because of the clothes they put on!

[Zor] This would make a great costume for my next gig.

[v2] This isn’t even the main reason why all his exes run to me.

It isn’t just something about girls and the usual obsession with clothing, though.  This boils down to the same reason that people buy the Brazilian organically grown Starbucks vente coffee every day.  The willing consumer (eg you, admit it) will pay $5 for bitter coffee they hate until they start liking it!

I mean, I can even understand wearing painful things because they are beautiful.  But there are actually clothes that girls will splurge on that are ugly and as painful to wear as they are to look at (at least on them).  For starters, what terrible joke is it that fashion is now in love with babydoll shirts, that scream Maternity!, and the skinny jean, which most girls cannot pull off?  Isn’t it enough that millions of girls have put guys through muffintops since the beginning of Britney Spears?

[v2] I love that term. It’s so clever. Muffin tops!

[Zor] I fully expected you to make some comment about Britney. This is unusual.

Ordering Salads on a Date

Maybe if you ended up in an extremely overpriced restaurant or if you have food allergies to everything else more appetizing, then it would be normal to order salad on a date.  But both those circumstances are unlikely, even if they happen sometimes.  In general, guys don’t enjoy when girls order a small salads on a date since the general response is “what is with this shit?!  I’m not dating a rabbit” [sic Tommy V2]. [v2 Edit: I believe my exact words were "If I wanted to fuck a rabbit, I'd break into the pet store at night.][Paperdreamer Edit: At least I remembered the general idea without going into a discussion of bunnies instead.]

It’s not like girls do everything guys say anyway but this doesn’t even make sense.  If a girl honestly thinks she needs to eat as skimpily as she dresses, why not actually do it the sane way?  Between anorexia and the obesity crisis, everyone can take a hint here:  eat healthily on a regular basis.  Then when you eat on special occasions, you can be more forgiving towards yourself.

The caesar salad comes with a surprise order of lard(ass)!

Besides, even ordering that salad is a lie!  All the crap you pour on the green stuff is probably worse for you than just *gasp* eating bread!  I’m not sure why some girls choose this form of torturing themselves in front of their dates/ friends but it’s actually more stupid than it looks.