I seriously hate computer cartoons
With Toy Story 3 stealing money from parents and children all over the country, it got me thinking- why would I pay to see someone’s computer manipulations? There’s not a single person who would pay to see me use registry editor in Windows or see my terminal session on my Linux Mint screen. They’re pretty much the same thing.
This is stupid
The problem with of these computer generated cartoons and content is the ‘artists’ themselves – they are not artists. Every single one of those bastards is some lackey computer dork who likes to fuck around with a 3D graphics program. I’m out of the loop as to what’s cool these days, back in the day it was 3D Studio Max, LightWave, Maya, etc. Who uses that crap? Computer dorks who get a hard-on for a Z-axis, that’s who.
I am actually well-versed in my 3D animation. I know about keyframing – that handy little tool that makes your “art” pretty much bullshit. I’ll explain it in the simplest terms possible.
-Artist adjusts character into a certain pose (left foot pointing out walking, let’s say) and calls it “A”
-Artist adjusts character into a different pose (left foot back the other way) and calls is “B”.
-The computer automatically makes all the frames between the key frames, aka DOES ALL THE FUCKING WORK FOR YOU. The result is, say, a walking animation, when the artist only poses two frames.
–That’s it. Fucking nonsense.
Here is a list of computer generated cartoons that suck:
Yes, they’re all terrible.
There are two main things that make CG cartoons so awful:
Art Style
I can’t believe how ugly the majority of CG cartoons are. The human beings in Pixar movies make me sick, they all look demented. In fact, they show the true skill of the majority of the Pixar staff – very little. Anyone can recreate a perfect action figure, robot or monster – as soon as you try to make a person, they look idiotic. For a 100% example of what I’m talking about, just watch any of the Shrek movies – neat looking animals, hideous humans. Dreamworks actually makes humans worse than Pixar, if you can believe that.
Look how disgusting they all look!
Also, everything’s always neon, round, shiny, overly-bulbous. Did you notice that? Can these fancy computer programs not make straight edges or some shit?
Totally Soulless
CG characters totally lack a soul. Because everything’s so smooth and refined, their facial expressions mimic human emotions – exactly wrong when they don’t look like humans. It just looks wrong. You know that they’re all animated by some fucking committee, some group of dorks that never leave the fucking basement. How can I ever get emotionally involved in any of the characters when they all look like marionettes? It’s the cartoon equivalent of using Auto-Tune in a song – novel until you realize there’s no talent involved.
A lot of it is because of the people who actually make this stuff – basement dwelling, overpaid, nerdy, socially-inept cretins that wouldn’t know a vulva from a Volvo – are making things for their own kind.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not necessarily a fan of traditional animation either. However, there is nothing but talent and hard work that goes into any of them. (I believe that Disney’s Alice in Wonderland is amazing, and I think that Akira should be seen by every being with eyeballs.) I guess I’m just not into “non-reality”, or the emulation of. When something is “fantasy” it should look like it – totally mental. Trying to approach reality with some computer animated bullshit is entirely wrong. It’s what makes the original Star Wars so awesome and what makes the new ones so fucking shit-tastic. Yoda was real – maybe he wasn’t alive, but if I went to the studio, I could touch him or throw him against a wall. Ditto for the early 1990s Ninja Turtle movies – that shit was real, and if I was there, I could punch one of the turtles in the shell, legit. Nowadays you have some moron screaming at a blue screen, pretending he’s talking to a robot that turns into a car. I don’t buy it. Want further proof? Watch The Neverending Story movie. Falcor is some giant flying dragon dog thing – and I totally fucking buy it. At age 28, in 2010, I think that thing is totally fucking real and I would pay money to ride it.
I so wanted one of those things
Don’t even get me started on the Short Circuit movies – talk about fucking mastering a piece of technology. How do you top perfection? You can’t. We’ve actually regressed. No one thinks WALL-E is real (not even children), but Johnny 5 is actually something you could have at home – 25 years ago.
Not only are Pixar untalented, they’re also completely unoriginal
The only thing worse than computer-animated movies are regular weekly cartoons made by computers.
Here’s a complete list of popular CGI weekly cartoons:
…
Exactly.
The worst part of all this is, they’re only getting worse. Now that the “3D” fad is in full swing, they’re cranking out even more of this shit. These lazy animators just press a few extra buttons and now that shit is in 3D, with no passion involved. It’s all to steal your money.
Remember when you were a kid, and you’d draw your favourite cartoon characters on paper (or try to)? Good luck drawing some fucking abomination that has half a million polygons just on the front side. You can’t even use your imagination because every goddamn detail is already present these days. It’s insane. It’s all cheating, and it’s making us all dumb and lazy.
Yeah, that’s about all I have to say about that. I hope the shit stops one day and real artists get back to working hard to make their 400+ million dollars off a single 90-minute shitfest.
You seem like a complete douchebag