the Tommy|Zor era

I like movies. Not as much as some of you goddamn DVD whores, but I like them all the same. I basically passed on the whole DVD thing because I knew HD Movies were coming (I didn’t know it would take them 9 years, but whatever) and because they kept double-dipping us and I didn’t want to buy another version of American Pie Unrated Special Limited Edition Collector’s Director’s Cut, Un-Cut and Un-rated Edition. I prefer my movie watching experience to be done at the movie theatre, but I certainly can’t go watch 99.9999% of the movies I like there now, so I guess a DVD review will have to do.

It’s no secret that Boiler Room is one of my favourite movies. Before gracing you with my written review, here’s a quick video of the, err…video that sums up how fucking awesome the movie is. This is so awesome that it gives me a semi.

In this key scene, the Jim Young character, played by the oft-misunderstood and underrated Ben Affleck, meets the new recruits. It’s riveting, nay…fucking riveting. Soon after this movie came out on DVD, my then-girlfriend told me:

“This movie actually makes me wet.”

It didn’t take much more than that for me to rent it and watch it with her. From the opening scene to the last frame, I was entertained. If there was a list of ultra-alpha-male movies, Boiler Room would be on it. You know those movies where people sit around at parties quoting? Those fuckers? Here’s a movie they’re quoting.

I could get into the storyline or premise, but it would rob you of any surprises. Basically, the movie is about a brokerage firm called J.T. Marlin that sells stock, and hires a guy named Seth Davis, the main character. That’s all I’m going to tell you. I’ll be damned, but just before (and during, and after) I saw this movie, I WAS WORKING AT A STOCK FIRM. The movie reached out to my inner soul and brought me exquisite amounts of joy. Just watching these characters, these lifestyles, these concepts - I think I started to feel a little wet I liked it a lot.

Ben Younger, the first-time director who…directs this movie does an excellent job. Don’t crucify me yet, but this movie is better than its stablemates Glengarry Glen Ross and Wall Street. It’s funnier, more clever, and just plain more entertaining than either one of those. It even adds a few clever lines to pop culture language, such as “don’t pitch the bitch” (a concept of never selling to women) all of which will be deployed to your vocabulary soon. Big fan of the soundtrack, too. It’s all gangster rap, which is perfect for a movie about rich, white, young guys. If you don’t like it, you’re racist.

The movie even stars a then-unknown Vin Diesel, who turns in a great (albeit short) performance, and Taylor Nichols, who is the film’s most endearing minor character, Harry Reynard. His scene with his wife and kids at home is simply one of the most realistic, uncomfortable, awkward, horrible things you will ever witness on screen. We’ve all felt like that at some point, and to see it on the screen is magic. It’s like you’re watching through a hole in the wall and you shouldn’t be seeing it but you can’t help but do it. I’ll admit I clap to myself while watching this, even if I’m alone. Don’t judge me, assholes.

Don’t pitch the bitch

The only downsides to the movie are two of the subplots (the romance and the father thing) because although servicable, they are in no way on par with the rest of the movie. The movie could use shaving off 20 minutes as well, but whatever.

Boiler Room is amazing. Get together with the boys, crack open a few beers, and watch this. It’s inspiring, funny, and will make you a worse person for watching it. It actually changes the way you think about your life, but in a bad way. It will make you want to sell Farrow Tech stock to everyone you’ve ever met, and to get in on the Med Patent IPO. It will actually make your dick bigger and will make girls find you more attractive, with no ill effects to your email inbox. Oh yeah, and the DVD contains an alternate ending which is actually pretty amazing. It’s not just a throwaway, it’s a great fucking ending, completely equal and possibly superior to what’s in there already.

I recommend this film highly, and in fact it shares prescious shelf space with the rest of my very small DVD collection, alongside Fight Club, American Psycho, Terminator 2, and a burned copy of Tight Asian Asses and A-Cups Vol. 31.

v2’s Rating:  It’s awesome.